On Google Maps the world looks flat. Believe me, it's not.

In hot and very humid Numéa we rise early, wandering from place to interesting place (not all of which have joined the 21st Century).

There is a song called Caledonia written by a Scottish guy called Dougie. Not me. Obviously It's maudlin, mawkish, sickly-sweet and sentimental. Very, very blokey. The sort of thing drunks put on a juke box when they're a long, long way from home. Ibiza, maybe. It's about loving a mythical Scotland that never existed. Which is why, years ago, it was used perfectly as the backing music for a no-less maudlin television advert for Tennents lager. The chorus goes: Oh and let me

Air travel ... a never-ending tale of surprising moments in the life of most disabled travellers.