In hot and very humid Numéa we rise early, wandering from place to interesting place (not all of which have joined the 21st Century).

There is a song called Caledonia written by a Scottish guy called Dougie. Not me. Obviously It's maudlin, mawkish, sickly-sweet and sentimental. Very, very blokey. The sort of thing drunks put on a juke box when they're a long, long way from home. Ibiza, maybe. It's about loving a mythical Scotland that never existed. Which is why, years ago, it was used perfectly as the backing music for a no-less maudlin television advert for Tennents lager. The chorus goes: Oh and let me